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My Calling to be a Benedictine ( Part II )

From Conversion to Vocation
My Calling to be a Benedictine

A Monk ??

My first visit to Saint Vincent Archabbey, the Benedictine monastery that is now my home, was an experience of transformation and growing trust in God. Led by our campus minister I arrived with some other college students on a Friday evening and enjoyed some pizza with the group in the novitiate lounge of the monastery. I had no idea what a monastery was aside from movies and fiction novels. I had no interest in being a part of the stereotype of monastic life I had in my head from movies like Monty Python’s “The Quest for the Holy Grail.” I felt a particular call to share the gift of prayer I had received during my studies in Germany, which I had rephrased in my mind as “evangelization,” and I did not imagine that that was part of the life of a monk. So I had rather low expectations of my first visit to Saint Vincent Archabbey, but I was open and willing to learn.

After a pleasant, social time on arrival, I slept quickly and got up early to join some monks for a time of Eucharistic adoration at 5:30am in a small chapel and then later followed the monks to morning prayer and Mass with the whole monastic community in the Archabbey’s beautiful Basilica. Then after some pleasant encounters with some monks throughout the day, followed by chanted Vespers and dinner, I retired to my guest room in the monastery. I had some time before the evening recreation and so I picked up the small Rule of Saint Benedict that was in my room. Looking at the table of contents my eyes were drawn to the chapter on humility, because it was a Christian virtue I had recently become interested in. Reading the chapter on humility, however, immediately summoned up in my mind all the scary stereotypes of a harsh, inhumane, medieval monasticism that belonged more to the “Dark Ages” than to our “enlightened” modern times. (Side note: I love those passages on humility now that I have learned the deeper meaning and context in which Saint Benedict teaches us!) Suddenly the reality that I was in a monastery came crashing down on me and I wondered what had happened to my life to bring me to this point! I was aghast and started plotting my escape, not wanting to spend another night in such a place. At least I planned to hide in my bed and sleep through everything until our departure the next day.

Catching myself, I took a deep breath and said a prayer: “Jesus, I need your help! I am going to make an act of faith and go to recreation, but you need to give me something to hold on to!” Jesus is faithful. I went to recreation and discovered a cribbage game with three players awaiting a fourth. I sat down across from one of the players who was wearing a t-shirt with the words, “Ich spreche, ich lehre, ich liebe Deutsch,” and when I read it out loud, that monk lit up and engaged me in German for a few sentences. When everyone departed after our cribbage game, I stayed for almost three hours speaking to this monk and sharing with him all the events that had led me to baptism, to discern a vocation and ultimately to Saint Vincent Archabbey. In the course of sharing my journey with him, the grace returned and I was flooded with a spiritual consolation as I saw how actively God had been guiding my life. It broke through my fears and renewed my strength to stay the rest of the weekend. I left Saint Vincent the next day with such a love for the place and the monks that I declared to my spiritual director that I would love to join right away.

God directed my decision

I knew I could not join right away because I had only been baptized for a week! More important for me was the fact that I could not say I ever heard God calling me to priesthood or religious life. I knew my desire for priesthood was strong and I believed my insight to share the gift of prayer (which I had reformulated as “evangelization”) was inspired but I could not say I had heard, in a time of spiritual consolation, God confirming my call.

That confirmation came at World Youth Day in Paris. During our trip to Paris, our group spent time at the parish of Le Trinite where I had the opportunity for an extended time of Eucharistic adoration. As I knelt in the silence and read the Gospel account about the call of the first Apostles, I was inspired to ask Jesus what He wanted from me. I said to Him in my heart, “I want to do whatever you want me to do. Do you want me to become a priest?” As everything became perfectly silent inside of me in great stillness and peace, I believed I heard Him say “Yes.” That filled me with a great joy that stayed with me the rest of the day and the intensity and concreteness of the memory lingered long after that.

At the same time, it was still on my mind that my call was to “evangelization,” and so I had started to abstractly exclude the possibility of a Benedictine vocation despite the powerful first visit I had had to Saint Vincent. I did not understand how Benedictines evangelize (I can write several books on that now!). I still returned for another visit however and on that visit, one of the monks told me about a Franciscan community that was trying to live the charism of Saint Francis more radically and they were devoted to evangelization. That led me to visit the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal (the “CFRs”) in New York City. I spent a week with them and loved my visit. I loved the friars, I loved their radical zeal for the Gospel, I loved their courageous ministry to the poor and their fearless proclamation of the Gospel. I learned many things from them about how to live the faith. They helped me formulate some ideals that have stayed with me for over two decades now. To my surprise, however, that was not God’s plan for my life.

In what I planned as a final act of discernment, I divided up my spring break into several days with the CFRs followed by several days with the Benedictines at Saint Vincent Archabbey. In my days with the CFRs while I watched the postulants receive their habits as they became novices, I tried to picture myself in their gray habits. Despite my best efforts, I kept seeing myself in a black habit instead. Then as I participated in the Mass when the novices made their first vows, I tried to imagine myself kneeling there and making vows with the friars, but I kept seeing myself in the Basilica at Saint Vincent instead. Slowly an inner tension had formed during my visit to the CFRs.

In the discomfort of this inner tension, I was moved to make an act of surrender and I told the Lord that I wanted to do whatever He wanted me to do: “If you want me to go to Saint Vincent, I will go to Saint Vincent.” At that moment I was flooded with peace and all the tension was resolved. That communicated a clear message to me in spite of my preference to become a CFR at that point. But the spiritual consolation in that prayer of surrender moved me deeply and my mind quickly embraced the idea of becoming a Benedict at Saint Vincent Archabbey. A last vestige of my stubborn self-will pondered asking for the name “Francis”, but my surrender was complete when I opened to a Benedictine name and quickly remembered the name, “Boniface.” I had learned about St. Boniface during my time in Germany and remembered that he was a missionary Benedictine monk and the Apostle to Germany.

Following my visit to the CFRs I spent a few days at Saint Vincent and told the Abbot about my desire to enter the monastery. He was surprised, because I was still so newly baptized (I was Catholic for only one year at that point) and he wisely put a damper on my zeal saying that he would discuss it with the Council of Seniors. Even at that, I was not discouraged. In fact, it was a further confirmation for me because I discovered in that experience that I actually had total trust in whatever the Abbot, under consultation with the community, would discern was God’s will for me. There was a grace of obedience at work in my heart in that experience and I was already anticipating the way that God would work in my life through my Abbot. In the end, the community decided to accept me, as an exception to the general rule, only 15 months after Baptism. I entered the monastery on July 1, 1998 and I received the habit and the name Boniface a few days later.

Why a Benedictine?

In this article, I set out to explain my personal call to the Benedictine life. I have described the steps to becoming Catholic and discerning my call to Saint Vincent Archabbey, but I have revealed little about the Benedictine charism or why I believe that this is the charism I was called to embody and live out for the rest of my life. Although it sounds trite, I can say that I became a Benedictine at Saint Vincent Archabbey because I believe God called me to that. I did not become a Benedictine because we have a college or a seminary or a large community or regular liturgical prayer or a beautiful Basilica. I had some organic, human connections that brought me to the community and I believe that in prayer God called me to join that community and give my life to Him there.

As a novice I could not have described in detail what drew me to the Benedictine community at Saint Vincent Archabbey, other than prayer and the grace of God. After twenty years in the community, however, I can now see more clearly why God called me here. The initial desire that rose up in my heart is indeed the one that was able to unfold at Saint Vincent in the most beautiful way, namely “to share the gift of prayer.” Although I had translated that into “evangelization” and I have found many opportunities to evangelize, ultimately my desire was always to share the gift of prayer. I believe that was also God’s desire for me and that is why He brought me to Saint Vincent Archabbey. As a Benedictine monk in a very large and active monastery I have had abundant opportunities to learn prayer and share prayer, especially through teaching and spiritual direction.

The Benedictine life is oriented towards learning to pray. St. Benedict gives the main criterion for monastic life: “The concern must be whether the novice truly seeks God…” (RB 58:7) Fundamentally, to learn to pray is to truly seek God. The monk develops a living, personal relationship with our God who is Himself personal, in fact tri-Personal. That relationship, which is the basis for everything else, stretches across time into every moment of the monk’s life. This constant loving awareness of the presence of God could be seen as the principal theme of the Rule of Saint Benedict: “We believe that the divine presence is everywhere…” (RB 19:1). The rest of the rule arranges the life of the monk to become more responsive to God’s presence in everything he does.

In other words, the monk learns how to do everything in relationship with God. He learns how to turn his life into constant prayer. That begins with concrete prayer times as Saint Benedict makes clear in the next verse of the Rule, “But beyond the least doubt we should believe this to be especially true when we celebrate the divine office” (RB 19:2). The divine office (the liturgy of the hours) is the heartbeat of every monastery. Additionally, Saint Benedict prescribed long periods of time (up to four hours a day, as it is still practiced in more contemplative monasteries) to the practice of prayerful reading called “lectio divina.” The liturgy, lectio divina and the monastic culture of scheduled activities bracketed by prayer are the primary means for growing in prayer.

Additionally, there is a special apostolic emphasis on hospitality. This comes from the unique Benedictine vow of stability. Stability leads to the sanctification of a place and the inevitable draw for guests to experience that holy place and its praying monastic community. Saint Benedict comments in the Rule that monasteries are never without guests (RB 53:16). Furthermore, the guests at monasteries are generally those who want to share in the grace of the monastery and so we call them retreatants. The natural ministry to retreatants is teaching them to pray as a group through retreat conferences and individually through spiritual direction.

For these reasons, teaching prayer became part and parcel of my life at Saint Vincent Archabbey. As my monastic life developed, this ministry extended beyond the walls of Saint Vincent, and I began to offer retreats and spiritual direction in more diverse places and for a wide variety of people. The most recent development in my monastic journey has been to write books on spiritual direction and personal prayer and to offer spiritual direction formation for a wide range of people through our Seminary’s Institute for Ministry Formation.

I did not understand everything that God was calling me to when He drew me, through prayer, to the Benedictine monastery of Saint Vincent Archabbey, but what I have discovered and lived out has been more fulfilling than I ever dreamed possible. I am deeply grateful for my Benedictine vocation.

Fr Boniface Hicks OSB

Introduction to Lectio Divina

Contemplating the Word

Contemplating the Word

Lectio Divina (Sacred Reading)

“…I would like in particular to recall and recommend the ancient tradition of Lectio divina: the diligent reading of Sacred Scripture accompanied by prayer brings about that intimate dialogue in which the person reading hears God who is speaking, and in praying, responds to him with trusting openness of heart (cf. Dei Verbum, n. 25). If it is effectively promoted, this practice will bring to the Church – I am convinced of it – a new spiritual springtime. As a strong point of biblical ministry, Lectio divina should therefore be increasingly encouraged…” (Pope Benedict XVI, Address on the 40th Anniversary of Dei Verbum)

Lectio divina is an ancient practice of praying with Sacred Scripture. It has been especially preserved and practiced by monks throughout the ages, but in recent decades has been promoted for the whole Church by Pope St John Paul II, Pope Benedict XVI and Pope Francis. It is not difficult to practice, it does not require large amounts of time nor special knowledge or education. It is simply a way of allowing God to speak to us personally through His Holy Word, as written in the Bible.

That brings us to the first important point: God really wants to speak to us, each one of us, and no one is excluded. It does not matter what we have done. Furthermore, God wants to reveal His love for us, each one of us, and no one is excluded. It does not matter what we have done. Before we even existed, God loved us. He created us out of love, He redeemed us out of love and by His love, He continues to call us back to Himself. Like the Prodigal Son (Luke 15), no matter how far we have wandered, there is a celebration and warm welcome awaiting us in the Father’s house, our true home. That is the “tone of voice” we can expect from God when we pray with Sacred Scripture through lectio divina. We can always ask the question, “How is God revealing His love to me through this passage of Scripture?”

Step 1: Reading

When practicing lectio divina, we start by opening our Bible to a page of Scripture and reading (the first step of lectio divina). There are many ways to choose what Scripture we begin with. I generally recommend the four Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke or John, because it is easiest to encounter God through the Gospels. For those who are aware of the daily cycle of Gospel readings selected for Mass, I find that to be an easy starting place. We do not need to read a large amount of Scripture. The purpose of lectio is different than a bible study. With lectio, we are not trying to become Scripture scholars, we are simply trying to draw close to God and hear His voice speaking to us personally. So, a paragraph of Scripture from the Gospels is more than enough to start with.

After we have selected a passage of Scripture, we begin to read slowly. Let me emphasize: slowly. For prayer, it is very important to slow ourselves down, to quiet our minds and hearts, and to become more gentle in our approach to God. We know that God is almighty, but when He speaks, He does not try to dominate us or overwhelm us. This is because He really respects and reverences our freedom. He wants to be sure that we really really want to hear what He has to say. By becoming very quiet and very gentle inside ourselves, we show Him that we are really interested in listening to Him. It is as if He were a shy child and He clams up if we are loud and rough. One of the ways we can transition from the noisy harshness of the world to the gentle quiet needed for listening to God is by taking a phrase of Scripture and gently repeating it. As we read through the passage, we look for a phrase of Scripture that seems to stand out to us, that catches our attention. It is not magical and really any phrase will do, but if there is one that seems particularly attractive, we should take that one and begin to repeat it gently inside ourselves.

Step 2: Meditation

As we begin to repeat the phrase of Scripture, we have begun our meditation (the second step of lectio divina). At first it is just a gentle repetition. This repetition helps to slow down our interior and to make us more sensitive to God’s Presence. It is like a pebble that has been tossed into a rapidly moving river–the pebble heads down towards the riverbed, but then it gets tossed up by a current, moved about by the flow, but each time the phrase is repeated, it is like applying gravity to the pebble and it takes it closer and closer to the bottom where it can rest. That is how our interior becomes more settled and calm and open to the Presence of God. Though we might get distracted and have various unrelated thoughts, by just returning to the phrase we can refocus ourselves and become more settled and calm and open up again to the Lord’s Presence.

At the same time, as we are gently repeating the phrase, we are reflecting on its meaning. To take an example, perhaps as we read the Parable of the Prodigal Son, we are struck by the phrase in Luke 15:20, “So he got up and went back to his father.” As we reflect on the meaning of this phrase, we might notice the courage of the son to get up and go back. We might feel his fear of rejection. We might begin to think about our own sins and remember an experience of being rejected by our own father. We might feel despair and wonder what the point of returning is. But we repeat, “So he got up and went back to his father.” We know that the son was not rejected, that he was received with love and rejoicing. We might ask ourselves, “What is keeping me from getting up and returning to God, my Father? Am I afraid? Am I despairing?” We can reflect on the loving way that our Father receives us, on the open arms He extends to us. And again we repeat the phrase, “So he got back up and went back to his father.”

Step 3: Prayer

At this point, we enter into the third movement of lectio divina which is prayer. In our meditation we asked ourselves, “What is God saying to me in this passage?” In prayer, we respond to God. We might begin to pray with something such as, “Thank you Father for always receiving me when I get up and return to you. Please forgive me for wandering away from you. Please help me never to wander from you again. Why do I continually fall back into sin? Please help me to be faithful. Please help me always to get up and return to you when I fall. Please help all those who fall into sin to get up and return to you.”  The important thing in prayer is that we speak from our hearts.  God loves to listen to us and He wants to hear what is in our hearts–our feelings, our fears, our hopes, all the people we love and care for, whatever is in our hearts.

Step 4: Contemplation

Through our meditation and prayer, our hearts are slowed down, quieted and gradually separated from the world. As we become aware of the loving Presence of God we can let go and rest in the fourth movement of lectio, which is contemplation. Contemplation is a loving awareness of God’s Presence. When we feel that God is close to us, words become pointless and we do better just to rest and enjoy His Presence, speaking and listening to Him in a simple, silent way, beyond words. This may last for a few moments or for a few minutes. Gradually, we move back to the Scripture and take up our phrase again, or perhaps we move on to another phrase.

Pope Francis on Lectio Divina

Let us conclude by reflecting on Pope Francis’s teaching on this form of prayer:

“There is one particular way of listening to what the Lord wishes to tell us in his word and of letting ourselves be transformed by the Spirit. It is what we call lectio divina. It consists of reading God’s word in a moment of prayer and allowing it to enlighten and renew us. …

“In the presence of God, during a recollected reading of the text, it is good to ask, for example: ‘Lord, what does this text say to me? What is it about my life that you want to change by this text? What troubles me about this text? Why am I not interested in this? Or perhaps: What do I find pleasant in this text? What is it about this word that moves me? What attracts me? Why does it attract me?’ When we make an effort to listen to the Lord, temptations usually arise. One of them is simply to feel troubled or burdened, and to turn away. Another common temptation is to think about what the text means for other people, and so avoid applying it to our own life. It can also happen that we look for excuses to water down the clear meaning of the text. Or we can wonder if God is demanding too much of us, asking for a decision which we are not yet prepared to make. This leads many people to stop taking pleasure in the encounter with God’s word; but this would mean forgetting that no one is more patient than God our Father, that no one is more understanding and willing to wait. He always invites us to take a step forward, but does not demand a full response if we are not yet ready. He simply asks that we sincerely look at our life and present ourselves honestly before him, and that we be willing to continue to grow, asking from him what we ourselves cannot as yet achieve.” (Pope Francis, The Joy of the Gospel #153-154)